The Break up? more like down

breakups.


They suck. Everyone can agree on that regardless if you are the 'dumper' or the 'dumpee' or even an external bystander.


What I can not understand is after this event why can't two people be friends ?
Maybe I'm just naïve , in my perfect idealistic point of view I would like to think the only reason why you wouldn't be able to be friends is if your new partner became jealous. Or it was a terrible breakup with lot of lying and cheating.


I've personally experienced two breakups, I would say the first was marginally worse than the second.
But I couldn't say I'm friends with either of them, I feel so shut out from their lives. Like they don't want to remember me at all. When all I want to do is give them girl advice and what not to stuff up on .


I understand I'm not a special person in your life anymore, but I feel like they are so hostile towards me. Maybe I don't understand because I Have never had experience being the "Dumpee". Maybe I just don't understand , because I cannot say I know how you feel. Or maybe they haven't found a significant other yet and when they do all this awkwardness will be removed? (I can hope).


I feel like recently I'm surrounded by breakups , but I guess its that time of yr, new starts , dumping old problems and baggage.


While most people I know are not friends with their ex's a sparse few are, and Im so jealous. I want someone to say to me "Lauren when do you ____ you're the shittiest girlfriend don't do that this time". Someone who knows all my flaws. In breakups you loose lots of friendships because this awkwardness creates spaces between you and 'their' friends , and after a while everything becomes just too difficult.


Maybe this topic is just too complicated for me to comprehend, maybe I'm expecting to much.


The reality I'm looking at now is just too sad ..... I don't to believe this is the way it always has to be.

The Giver

Today my mum said something to me that felt pretty significant

"Lauren , you need to love yourself more"

Got me thinking.....  do I really neglect myself that much?

I recently did a Personality test and it defined me as a 'Giver' basically a super nice person HAHAHA no joke.

Where you put basically everyone elses happiness above your own. Why do we do this?
Simple. Guilt.

I shall demonstrate in the below example

Say you're picking a movie to watch, say you want to watch a Comedy and they want to watch and action film.

Knowing they wont enjoy the comedy as much , I would insist going tot he action film. While I wont enjoy the movie as much I'll have peace of mind that they are enjoying it . Otherwise if we went to the comedy I'd always feel I'd have to look over and worry they were having a bad time and after the movie when they say it was good I would feel they are just saying that, then I'd begin to over think and all hell breaks loose.

So I guess Action film it is :)

In the beginning this is fine , because they really appreciate it , because they say thankyou maybe buys you an icecream, says you can pick the movie next time .

But what happens like everything thing else we continue , again and again and again. Until we're taken for-granted , but we really have no one to blame but ourselves.

Now the above example is very simplistic and this theory can be applied to Many other situations.

I shall name it the "Law of diminishing gratitude" 

When we get all sad and hurt we just do nothing , we say nothing . We spiral .


Recently I've really tried to change this about myself , be independent opinionated don't let people step all over me. Ive come to realise though once I begin to care about someone , GG. 

Its not all bad :) Im glad though that seeing others happy brings so much joy to myself :) its a really rewarding way to live and see the world . Prevents self absorption. 

So if you know a 'Giver' maybe just check up on them once in a while , maybe for once say you dont mind any movie and let them pick?

Or if they make you simple always remember a symbol of thanks <3 font="" nbsp="">

Rejection

Well this is my first time getting rejected, and I can tell you its not fun , its the feeling of helplessness where you can not do anything to change the situation and you just need to accept it the way it is.

Where all the hope and excuses that you made for yourself are crushed , where the thoughts of "never" creep into your mind.

When someone does not reciprocate your feels you have a few options :

1. Move on, Find someone new, if they don't appreciate you now, they never will.
2. Wait for them, maybe they just need time to process and appreciate you.
3. Make them jealous, Talk and flirt with everyone, show how much you are wanted by others
4. Be the best you can be, and make them realise what they missed out on
5.Be content on just being a friend
6. Wallow in sadness and buy 6 cats.

I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do yet, but all I've decided that I am not going to look for anyone else in the near future, and now I know how painful rejection is I'm just going to steer clear of men for a while.

Its like my mind wants to do all of the above at the same time, but the worst is you can't even be angry at them, because you care too much, so you sit here blaming yourself and the whole situation as the sadness eats you from the inside .


This is why I say to people , if you find someone you like and they like you back nothing should stop you from getting together, because that in itself is a very rare occurrence.

Chin up Lauren , and smile for the world.

Single life.

So I haven't blogged in a while simply because I havent had time :( I honestly cant remember the last time I stayed home ALL DAY and didnt have to study hahahaa.

It really sad so many times I come up with all these good ideas to blog about but i just dont get the time and I forget about them :(

Anyways , this blog Ive been meaning to write for a while.

So for those that know me Ive been single for nearly 3 months, while most of you are probably like pftt thats nothing ( im not disagreeing with you ) but Its the longest Ive been single in a long time, before all this dating stuff.

So the last couple of months let me reflect on my past relationships and how i see relationships now.

In my past blogs you would remember that I wanted a guy to be "lovable" while thats still true , Ive realised that relationships arent as idealistic as I had originally hoped.

I guess you could say I have "upped" my standards? simply because as much as a miss cuddling and going on dates , im quite enjoying single life, and now im just so busy, if i were to get a boyfriend I would have to sacrifice quite a lot.

1. Chivalry: While getting walked to the train station is nice, even just a concerned "text me when youre home so I know youre safe"
2. A gentleman: Always offers to pay - Now I dont mind paying at all, but they should OFFER.
3. Effort: put in effort to talk to me , or just to make me happy in general
4. Naturally easy to talk to

As I read the above criteria, i feel Its the criteria for a 15 yr old HAHAHAHA maybe I went backwards in maturity, but the main message is I want someone to TRY to put in a lot of effort.I know what its like to put ineffort and get nothing in return, so i really respect guys who put in effort, and Ill give them a decent chance

But i dont mind it if im brozoned and you dont do any of the above things hahaha



Anyw

Looking for Love

What is love?


I think this question can be answered in 2 parts, a Western perspective and an Asian perspective.

(note- these are stereotypes , dont take offense ^^ )


Western.

This is the "love" portrayed in such films as "the notebook" or other hollywood films.

Basically its that one person that gives you butterflies , that you cannot live without the one that no matter how many times they hurt you, you can some how forgive them.


Asian.

Love is when someone put your needs before theirs, will do anything to make you happy, and would look after you and give you everything you need. Be reliable , respectful and there in times of need.
(Hence why Asian parents always want you to find a rich, reliable and successful spouse)


Whilst some of the qualities intersect, often you can only find one or the other "side" .

If you've found both you're one lucky individual!

So which do you pick? 

Ive had this conversation with several girls and depending on the girls they pick various sides. My mum obviously advises me to pick the 'Asian' perspective.

From what I've experienced is you need someone more inclined to the Asian perspective with some element of the other side, however you dont need someone that always charismatic and making you laugh are surprising you all you time, I think everyone needs someone reliable and someone that always there, not because they are your fall back but because thats how you two can move forward in life helping one another.

So when you're out looking for love, ask yourself first, what kind of love are you looking for?

Gossip Girl Life Lessons

As this afternoon I was rewatching Gossip Girl, and Laughing over the spite between Blair and Serena - and how it can vanish in an instant and they become best friends again. How they can do the unforgivable- yet they are still forgiven... thats hollywood for you...

But then I pondered on this thought and realized its not so unrealistic.....

Personally I know / have been involved in several fights/ conflicts / betrayals, and out of most of them we still turn out friends again- some times our friendships are stronger than before.

Then I began to think about it this way...

If my boyfriend slept with my best friend or my bestfriend slept with my boyfriend

And i thought about it- i would take my friend back. . . .noway the boyfriend

why?

I have no idea.... but the thought of never talking to my bestfriend again seems impossible

I guess thats why friendship is so important.

Dear all my friends :) I love you all <3 always="" being="" for="" here="" me.="" p="" thankyou="">

Meet me half way

Meet me half way right at the boarder line . . . . thats where im going to wait for you.

Just before i Start this post I wanted to note that im still getting several page views a day even through i rarely blog :-O So thanks to my loyal followers :D

I Have to say from my previous relationship Ive learnt several things , made several mistakes.

One of them was conflict resolution, I used to just bottle up all the hurt , just cry myself to sleep and stuff would never get resolved until one day i just snapped, and i went I cant do this hurt thing anymore, and basically said its my way or the highway. I think this is one of the core factors why we ended it.

I realize at the end i was just being plain unreasonable ,so im sorry, and i wont repeat my mistakes.

Now im trying something new with you , im trying to talk it out with you trying to be rational. I give you a day to calm down, but after that i expect you to meet me half way and talk about it  , work on a solution. Not to seem dramatic or anything , but pretty much this is a key feature to ensuring the longevity of this relationship.

Im starting to here you say some of the things my ex did. . . . and thats okay, but this time i want to work these out find a compromise , i tried so hard, i poured my heart out.... trying so hard to resolve this, and you return to your stubborn ways - not even replying.

So today i sat in and AIESEC induction and I LOVED IT i forgot how much Id missed my societies over the summer :) When uni starts my time is going to get even more scarce uni, societies, work, friends, and i think thats something youll need to understand. Thats why i started going out with you, because youre a busy person and im a busy person - and i thought it will all work out.

So I lie in bed at 6am a little sad with a sick nervous feeling in my stomach because i know we need to get our shit together- and quickly

A chinese movie

there was a movie once that my mum told me about and i shall share it with you

Its basically about a married couple, the husband treated the wife so well, but one day the wife leaves the husband for a younger more "interesting" man.
When she leave her husband he is heartbroken, however he still loved the wife, so he writes a book for the new man, a book with the very details of his wife, whats her favorite foods, what shes allergic too and what to do when shes angry.

And that is love.

I find when you love someone enough you cant get angry at them you can get temporarily annoyed but not angry. Because you dont want to fight with them, being angry at them probably hurts you more than them .

night calling

Id say talking on the phone at night is one of my hobbies :)

I miss its so much , i lie in bed hoping tonight wont be another disappointment, but it is.

I hope one day I just dont care anymore, that its no longer important to me, and i can just forget it.

Its one of those habits/ideologies i just have to let go. . . .

But i hope you know im giving it up for you. . .

Because thats what love is.

the bucket is beginning to empty

"You are having your girls day tomorrow, I don't know what that means, you just go do whatever you want, go see guys, watch movies with them, and when you want to go watch shopping then you call me out, and I have to come"

wow. I cant believe you said that to me.

How could you? I stayed up for you because i wanted to make sure that you got home alright, because thats what love is.

Instead you act annoyed about how things didn't go to plan , and then you say THAT to me.

1. You dont "have" to come to anything , like how I dont "have" to be your girlfriend, but I was in Chatswood thats like 4 stops from Gordon, waiting. . . . and you were going out in a  couple of hours anyways. . . . Im sorry that was such a large effort for you? Im sorry you didn't wanna see me? Im sorry I was stupid enough to think you wanted to come

If everything is such an effort for you , why are you even here, do you even care? because if all your feelings were true, all these smalls things should be effortless, a decision you wouldn't even have to think about.

2. I never went on a movie with 'him' because I knew it bothered you so instead I rejected a friend, and saw it with you , and I have zero regrets

3. You have no right to say that to me. I respect you enough to see whoever you want, i give you the freedom i know you need, because I dont want to hold you back. I trust you , so I don't feel jealous.

Today Lisa asked me why I liked you I said
" Because  Max is happy to let me do my things , while im happy to give him freedom and let him do his"

But maybe this is all one sided, where you feel you are always doing things "my way".

After all this you way think im over analyzing and you were just tired and annoyed and those words slip out. .. .

No.

They dont just slip out, I will not tolerate being spoken to in that manner. Regardless of your mood, because there will be many occasions in the future where you will be annoyed/upset. All I tried to do was cheer you up, make you happy. But instead you just hurt me.

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I used the analogy a while back that a relationship is like  a bucket, at th beginning it starts full, and slowly after fights/ disappointment/ cheating/ lies the bucket empties until theres no water left, which is the end of the relationship.

As each tear rolls down my cheek tonight i know that water is spilling out of that bucket.